


A Cheap Trick and a Cheesy Pick-up Line

by clareturner23



Category: Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Thor (Movies)
Genre: Drinking, F/M, M/M, One Night Stands, Polyamory, Shapeshifting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-18
Updated: 2019-05-25
Packaged: 2020-03-07 12:23:13
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,549
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18873136
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/clareturner23/pseuds/clareturner23
Summary: What would have happened if Loki, on a dreary day, met Tony Stark on the New Years Eve night of 1999? Katerina was the product of a one night's stand when Loki decided to spend the night with a 30-year-old Tony Stark in the guise of a beautiful woman. Kept secret from Thor and Odin by Frigga and Loki, she is not only mischievous and magical like her mother, but she is also very headstrong and genius like her father. After the events of Dark World, Loki finds it safer for her in the hands of her father. She is only fourteen by this time, but she has the body of a ten, or thirteen-year-old since her Frost Giant DNA makes her age slightly slower than an average human. Loki begs Tony to keep her safe, and that is what he does.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> AN: Since I will be identifying Loki as gender fluid, I will be using the pronoun “they” to refer to Loki. I will also be having Tony end up with a polyamorous relationship with Pepper and Steve Rogers.

Prologue: How it all began

Thor was out again on one of his adventures. It was getting a bit boring up on Asgard especially for the mischievous Prince Loki. They had just gotten used to the fact that their son was now being used as a _steed_. They guessed it was better than all of Asgard, including Thor, knowing about his time with that handsome Midgardian Stallion. Loki decided that they was going to go back to Midgard. They was in a mood to be a woman, so they took the female form that they had when he was in this mood. Heimdall knew of this disguise and knew when he traveled; they just wanted to have fun. It was a difficult feeling as if they were not a man but a woman half of the time. It was something to hide from everyone…but Frigga. Of course, their mother was the only one they trusted with all of secrets.

Upon arrival in Midgard Loki was in a neighborhood just outside of a nice home where there seemed to be a party of some kind. They was curious, so they donned a sexy green dress with golden heels. It was a bit chilly out, so they also added a black furry overcoat. The young men and women who were trying to get in were flaunting over some handsome man with dark hair and a goatee. He seemed to be the host of this party and was under the influence of alcohol. Loki sighed annoyed as they were remembered Thor and his constant drinking with his friends. Loki was about to leave when they heard the conversation.

“…So yea, I was searching through my dad’s old files, and I found some crazy things. Things like crazy technology and genetic testing. Fascinating stuff to dabble into.” The man was wrapping his arms around two women at this party. Loki was intrigued. While intoxicated, this man was still intelligible enough to speak properly with barely a slur. The man stopped when he spotted Loki. The Asgardian in turn smirked and gave a small wave.

He left his guests as he made his way to meet Loki. He swaggered in a sexy way to their side. He took off his sunglasses to get a better look. His eyes were as brown as Thor’s favorite drink. “Well, hello, come to join my New Years party?” He asked, taking Loki’s hand, kissing it. 

Loki smirked as well. They were very intrigued by this human as well as charmed. May as well play along. “Well, I don’t exactly have an invitation. I was just taking a brisk walk around before turning in.”

“Huh, British, huh? _Love_ a woman with an accent. No invite needed; why don’t you join us?” He suggested keeping one hand on Loki’s, leading him towards the house. They decided to keep going with him. It may as well be time to have some fun. The girls around seemed jealous as the man walked Loki around. They enjoyed this. Making others jealous was fun in the means of mischief. They enjoyed the party. Loki learned the culture of Midgard regarding the “new year” which included new years kiss after a large shiny ball drops on a device called a television.

Tony, the name of this intriguing man, chose Loki as his New Year’s kiss. It was a passionate one, with the way his warm yet rough hands cradled Loki’s neck caused them to melt in his hands. “Hmm, if kisses were snowflakes, I’d send you a blizzard.”

Loki chuckled. It was a silly line, but they were turned on by the kissing. “Do you say that to all the girls?” 

“No, only the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen standing out in the cold on New Years Eve night,” Tony smirked. “Would you like to come with me to my penthouse for the night? It's super cold out, and I can give you a blizzard in the bedroom… maybe a bit more,” he whispered seductively.

Loki smirked kissing Tony again. “I would like that, Mr. Stark. I do enjoy _stormy_

_weather.” As the party came to an end, Tony whisked Loki away to his home and spent the night together._

~About a year later on Asgard~

After their encounter with the mysterious Tony Stark of Midgard, Loki realized they were unable to change back into their male form. They knew immediately what this meant… they were pregnant. Loki did not stay on Earth. They returned home and attempted to avoid Odin and Thor. Instead, they talked with their mother Frigga, who was there to help and protect Loki throughout the pregnancy. Frigga promised that she would help to make sure that the child born of Midgard and Asgard would be protected no matter what. 

About nine months after Loki befell pregnant, they had a little girl that they named Katerina. Frigga helped Loki during birth and was proud of her child and grandchild. They knew it was going to be difficult keeping her a secret from Odin and Thor, but they would do anything to protect little Katerina Lokison.


	2. Chapter 1: Safety in Midgard

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Loki brings their daughter to Midgard after the death of Frigga. Loki begs him to take her in and take care of her. With the help of Pepper, Tony agrees to start a new role as a father of a mischievous and genius daughter.

It has been about fourteen years since Katerina had come into Loki’s life. Even despite everything he had done she had always been their life. Now that Frigga was killed, Loki needed to keep her safe. Even if she had to live with her father on Midgard. After they faked their death in order to get away from Thor, Loki rushed back to Asgard. They had used a clone silently while he was going off with their brother in order to make sure Katerina was safe. She was hiding in a closet… in the room where Frigga was killed. The child had seen the entire scene and was traumatized by the event. Loki knew that a clone could not console her properly so they told their daughter to stay quiet and safe in that closet until they could come to get her. When they finally was able to get past guards and into the room safely they opened the door and held Katerina close.

“Mummy… it's really you,” she cried shaking. She was so tired, hungry, and dehydrated. Even if she wanted to sleep while she was hiding, she couldn’t. Every time she would try she had nightmares of the dark elves killing her grandmother. Even though she knew Loki was adopted now, she still saw her as her grandmother no matter what. Especially since Loki and Frigga did not want her to see Loki in the prison cell. Especially since they could be caught.

“It’s alright, love. I’m here now. I can bring you somewhere safe. It will be hard to do, but I will take you to your father…. He can protect you.” They told her kissing her forehead holding her close to them.

“M…my father? Why can’t I stay here? I thought you hated Midgard now, Grandmum is gone…” 

She was so distraught that Loki had to just hold her to keep her safe. They took her away quickly sneaking her into the kitchens to give her some food and drink. “Listen, Katerina, I know that what you witnessed was horrible. But right now, you are not safe without her protection. You know that if Odin finds you, you may end up punished and I am unsure of what your Uncle Thor would feel considering you are my child. You are half human and your age is slowing as you age. He can protect you and give you a life where you can have friends. Go to get an Earthly education. I’ve met your father again though he had no idea we had met before. You have grown into a wonderful young woman. The amount of knowledge you have learnt from us is something that is only understood after fifty years of schooling normally. You deserve to know the other half of your heritage. Will you please trust that I know what is best for now?” Loki asked their daughter softly. They were so nervous about her being found out. 

Katerina sniffed as she nibbled on a salad Loki had made her. She hated vegetables, but Frigga and Loki tried to give her various kinds of foods so that she was not just eating meat. She frowned; it was true. She grew slowly like other Asgardians… well…. Frost Giants anyway. But as time went on, she started aging quicker than the others. She was fourteen years of age now yet she looked like she was between ten and thirteen. She sighed with a nod. “Alright mum, I trust you. I just wish I could stay with you.”

Loki smiled softly. She was the only one who could make them feel happy and feel loved. She was definitely a piece of work like her father… and himself with the mischievous side of her, but she loved her mother unconditionally. “Alright, let’s go. There are only certain ways we can leave here unknown.”

Once Katerina was finished her meal, Loki took her through a secret pathway that he had kept secret in case of emergencies. It was a two-time use portal. Once that would take them to wherever Tony was, and another go bring Loki back to Asgard. The only reason Loki could not find this portal before was that it could only because it worked in this situation only. Frigga helped him set this up originally. When they arrived, Loki sighed and turned into the woman Tony met so long ago. This was the only way they could think of to gain his trust. Loki took her hand and knocked. Since they arrived at a secluded place, he knew this would be very hard to do. They knocked on the door not knowing exactly how this was going to pan out.

“Can I help you?” Tony’s voice came from a device on the wall. “Wait… you look vaguely familiar…”

From inside the home, Tony looked at the screen from his lab. It was a far off memory. This woman stood out despite his drunken one night’s stand that woman was unique. Mysterious. Maybe it was because she never said her name and did not mind the cold very much.

“I would think so Mr. Stark, you gave me a blizzard of kisses, remember?” Loki replied with a smirk. Though Katerina looked at her in shock in the camera. “Ew… MUUM!” could be heard afterward.

Tony’s stomach twitched. That… couldn’t be his… if she was his daughter she’d be like a teenager by this point. She looked too young for that. “What are you here for? I’m a bit busy.”

“Please, we need to talk. My… our daughter is not safe with me any longer.” Loki said seriously. “She needs your help. I can explain everything but not here.” 

Tony was quiet for a bit. He didn’t have room for a kid in his life…yet… did he? Pepper was in the room and heard everything that was said. She walked up and looked at them. “Tony, it’s not impossible that she’s yours. Don’t you think you should help? You know I don’t mind and don’t think you’re getting out of this.” She said firmly.

“Pepper… we just got over another destroyed home. What if…”

“What if nothing Tony, we talked about this. If a child ever came up, you would take up whatever responsibility.” She turned to the screen that was still on. “Come on up, the elevator will take you up.”

“He destroyed New York. How can we trust him?” He attempted to rationalize with Pepper but was greeted only with glaring eyes.

“If…I may…” Loki interrupted. “While it’s true that I have done _horrible_ things the last time we met, Katerina is important to me. More important than any grudge I have against humanity out of jealousy and spite. She is my number one priority, and I want to do whatever it takes to protect her. Her grandmother… well, adoptive grandmother and I are were the only two that know of her existence. Frigga is dead now, and I cannot protect her on my own. They see me as a villain just like everyone in Midgard do. If they know I have a child, with a human no less, I am afraid of what will happen to her since mortals are forbidden. She seems to age slower than a human but still in the range of mortality. I… as a lot of you considering what I have done… including keeping Thor out in the dark of her existence. I do not think he is a proper influence on her,” they finished. Loki frowned holding Katerina’s hand. She was still frightened about being in a brand new world, but at the same time she seemed to be curious about the technology all around the room.

Tony sighed. He knew better than to refute that speech. As much as he didn’t like Loki for what he did, he also could tell when someone was genuinely worried about their child. Something he only saw in his mother growing up… not his father much. He had to admit, he related with Loki on the father end. “Ok, I can make up a story of how her mother died and she was put in my care. I won’t say anything about you but powers have to be kept on the down low ok?” He said to both rather than just Katerina or Loki.

Katerina pouted. “Aww, well… I guess I can try, but what can I do for fun if I can’t use magic?”

“Well, I could teach you about technology, and games, and… there are tons of things here that you don’t need magic for,” Tony suggested. Pepper seemed to be pleased with the way Tony was acting now. So was Loki.

“There is?” Katerina asked. “I do enjoy learning things. My grandmum always said I sped through my lessons quicker than most Asgardian children.” She smiled relaxing a bit but frowned still. She really missed her grandmother.

Tony smiled at that. It made him feel proud he could help make another human being who was a genius like him. “Yep, you’re definitely mine.” Pepper chuckled a bit at that. She knew they’d get along. She could feel it. “Don’t worry, I’ll keep you safe. Besides, I’m a superhero here.”

“I’m not sure what that means just yet, but I’m sure I will be finding out!” Katerina said with a smile. She was still a child after all. Loki smiled at her and kissed her on the head.

“I have to go back now alright? The portal back will close soon if I don’t. I am supposed to be dead… again… but I don’t belong here.” Loki smiled sadly. They hated leaving her, but it had to be done.

“Don’t worry, she’ll be safe and I won’t tell Thor your alive. Obviously, you don’t want him to know that either,” Tony observed. He showed Loki to the door, and let Katerina and they do their final goodbyes. “How about I order the best Earth food around? Then we can get to know each other better.” He called Happy in to order some burgers for dinner. It was, after all, Tony’s favorite food.


End file.
